Growing Our Selves to Live in Uncertainty
We have to face our imperfections and realize that we can't do this alone.
Essays are back! I took a break to launch the Omni-Win Project Podcast. It’s off to a fantastic start, and I’d love it if you could join me.
If you haven't listened to the podcast yet, you can find it at omniwinproject.com/podcast. You can also find it on your favorite podcast app, so check it out. I hope you enjoy it!
This is the final stretch in the simplicity and complexity series. We're starting strategic theme four, which is the development of the omnipartial individual.
Missed an essay or only just discovered the Omni-Win Project?
Here’s a short recap (with hyperlinks aplenty):
This series started in mid-May with essays on how we can use mediation, other kinds of dialogue, and interest-based processes in our political system. These methods help us engage across differences and develop sustainable, mutually beneficial change. They can even solve some of the issues we're facing.
I revealed how our whole system benefits from keeping us divided. It’s dysfunctional. Politics organizes important, complex issues into simple, digital choices: Yes/no, for/against, us/them. That polarizing process isn't working. We live in a complex reality with wicked problems: Ongoing issues with no single, simple answer.
Complex systems theory and polarity thinking were the last topics I tackled. These provide a valuable approach for us to start grappling with some of the complexity we're facing.
Here's the upshot of the whole series up until now:
Our future is uncertain. We're facing significant issues that require nuanced thinking and ongoing responses. There isn't going to be a final, fixed outcome, and no one can figure out how to solve any of the issues we're facing on their own.
We're going to have to engage with everyone. Yes, that includes the people we don't like, trust, or agree with. All of these issues we're facing are serious, scary, and need urgent responses. We have to work together to tackle them now.
We need to develop our personal capacity to face this situation, as it’s not going anywhere in our current political climate. This is why we should work on changing and improving what we can control on our own: Ourselves.
So, the fourth strategic theme of the Omni-Win Project is omnipartial individual development. Ken Cloke created the term “omnipartial,” which means a bias in favor of everyone. When I say everyone, I mean everyone, even the people you don’t like. (Sorry about that.) Omnipartial means we want the best for the whole.
The first two episodes of the Omni-Win Project Podcast are with Ken Cloke, and you can find them here. You can check out the Substack episode page to get a feel for the content with some highlights and clips. Ken has some fantastic things to share, thanks to his decades of experience.
Don’t forget to check out the brand new Omni-Win Project website! It’s the perfect place to fall down a delightful rabbit hole of conflict resolution resources with Ken’s podcast episode pages. Here are episode pages one and two. Every episode page is a goldmine of information, and the podcast episodes are seriously thought-provoking. Join us in co-creating our future.
Embracing omnipartial individual development
Let’s start with a quote from Erich Fromm:
When we're trying to have a certain, simple answer, we can’t find meaning. If we understand uncertainty, that engages us to bring forward our best capacity.
By seeking personal growth, we can let go of our need for certainty. The reality is that our world is ambiguous, uncertain, and complex. We need to be able to accept that we don't have all the answers.
Communicating across our differences is vital; we need one another to move forward. This means facing vulnerability and recognizing we are all part of the problem. Therefore, we're all responsible for participating in finding the solution.
Growth is more like a spiral than a straight line
There are parts of us we can change, but we first need to acknowledge that those parts aren’t working for us.
Conversely, some parts of us can’t change. We'll have to use acceptance, compassion, and harm reduction for those. Sometimes, we just have to deal with the fact that we're not good at certain things and ensure it doesn't have too much impact.
Personal growth and learning are real: Psychology and sociology demonstrate a standard process. For me, individual development is growing in the sense of who you are, and that grows on a larger scale.
As a young child, it was all about me. Over time, I grew to understand that I'm part of a family, community, and society. Eventually, I realized that I'm part of the whole biosphere of earth and the universe. As we grow in that sense of scale, we also grow in our ability to understand complexity because everything gets increasingly complex.
It's not easy to take into account all of life on our planet. It's much easier to consider just the people in the United States or our neighborhoods, but that wouldn’t be omnipartial.
The development process isn't straightforward: It’s often one step forward, two steps back. But, as we grow and realize that things aren’t really working for us anymore, we open up to learning. We discover ways to be more adequate and integrate that into ourselves. Eventually, that's also not going to be adequate, so we’ll keep evolving.
Why is personal growth important?
The coolest thing about individual growth is that we're totally in control of ourselves. It’s not like politics, where it feels like an uphill battle that needs everyone for change to happen.
For our own development, we don't need anyone else to change. We can change ourselves whenever we want. Personal development improves our experience of life, too. We can handle more, take in more, and grow more. Everyone who's done this kind of work says, “Oh, wow, I like this better!”
Yes, it's an awesome experience. But it's hard. We have to face our imperfections and realize this isn't good enough. It can be hard to see that the way we’re framing things isn’t working for us anymore. The process can be challenging in other ways, too.
We can’t change anyone else, and others might not appreciate your journey. They may feel threatened by your growth and prefer you to stay where you are. Still, you can become a role model, accept them as they are, and show them that it’s pretty cool to want to make a change. They can catch you up when they’re ready.
Someone taught me a couple of years ago that listening to another person's perspective can't hurt. If you listen and engage with them, it will change your mind. Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. captures this in a beautiful quote:
“I would not give a fig for the simplicity on this side of complexity, but I would give my life for the simplicity on the far side of complexity.”
That's how we got here. We started with wanting simplicity, but we must face the world's complexity. As we get to the end of this series, we'll hopefully be able to find the simplicity that exists on the far side of complexity.
What’s the self-development catch?
Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. illustrates the danger of opening up our minds in another quote:
“Every now and then, a man's mind is stretched by a new idea or sensation and never shrinks back to its former dimensions.”
Once you start believing that there's more to the world than you might imagine, your brain will change and grow. You'll feel the absence of that if you decide to retreat and try to forget things. Individual development is no joke. It's crucial, and many of us have to grow up somehow.
To address this, I’ll take you on a journey over a series of essays.
Coming up soon:
Neuroscience goodies: Why we are drawn to people who are like us and hard-wired to prefer simplicity
The Ethics of Ambiguity by Simone De Beauvoir: How we can live in ambiguity, the different choices we get to make, and the Hierarchy of Freedom
Our stages of development: How we grow to have an ever more complex and expanding understanding of who we are and what’s going on in our world
Self-awareness and authentic self-expression: Knowing that you matter, figuring out your values, and sharing them with others
Facing our shadow side: What it means to have humility and compassion for ourselves as we realize all of our actions aren’t in integrity with who we want to be
Sensemaking skills: Thinking like a scientist
Communication skills: Navigating self and other, speaking up for ourselves, and practicing deep listening
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Here's the deal: We must embrace our interdependence and the fact that life is inherently ambiguous, nuanced, and complex.
Coming up next: Why that is freaking hard.
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