The Development of the Omnipartial Individual
And how this helps us bridge the gap between self and other
This essay is the final installment on the four strategic themes of the Omni-Win Project. The goal of my project is to accelerate the co-creation of the future of democracy. We need to create a world where people can have a voice in issues that impact their lives. Deliberative, thoughtful decision-making is vital to include all voices. It’s the only way to build a sustainable future that works for everyone.
The first three strategic themes were collaborative communication, citizen-centered democracy, and culture of interconnectedness. All of these tie in together, and they need us to work on ourselves, too. That’s why today's strategic theme is about personal growth and becoming an omnipartial person.
Omnipartial is a term from Kenneth Cloke meaning “a bias in favor of everyone.” I think this is a really good way to think about this issue. When I say everyone, I don’t just mean everyone out there (that would be a lot to take on), but ensuring I get the best outcomes for me, you, and our communities. We also need to get the best out of our systems that honor our past generations and create the best results for future generations. So, how can we develop ourselves and our systems?
First of all, development is real, and it has consistent patterns. Part of growth and development is about maturing into a larger sense of ourselves and who we are.
I am me. I am my family. I am my community. I am my nation.
I am humanity. I am the Earth. I am the universe.
This strategic theme is particularly challenging and interesting for various reasons.
It helps us develop the capacity to:
Navigate complexity
Advocate for everyone
Be in diversity
Cope with change
But it’s complex. There are many different opinions about the best approach, and there’s so much information. That is an inherent part of being in a pluralistic democracy. There are entire areas of self-help books in libraries and online marketplaces with many types of advice.
It's also very personal: The advice that works for me might not work for you. We're all unique, and we're all starting where we are. That’s the first lesson that I want to share: Each of us needs to assess where we are and where we want to go.
We all need to recognize what's important.
What do I care about?
What is meaningful?
What are my values?
Once we know what matters, we can act, behave, and create our future based on that. We want to reap the advantages of being in a democracy where we guide the decisions that will impact our lives. Part of that is acknowledging that everyone's voice is important. We can't leave anyone out.
Imagine how much we could achieve if every one of the 250 million adults in the United States worked on personal growth. That’s a lot of change. What’s nice about personal change is that it's pretty quick, and each of us can make changes in our life right now. We can change the way we communicate, the questions we ask, and the information we learn.
To truly grow as an individual takes time. Still, if it's a year or even four years to make important changes, that's fast compared to systemic or cultural changes.
Shifting blame to responsibility
Another reason why becoming an omnipartial individual is such an important theme is because it's very easy to see problems and externalize them. While the tendency to want to blame others for issues makes a lot of sense, it’s not always helpful.
Of course, if we don't want to blame others, we might blame ourselves, which can become a problem in itself. We still need self-compassion.
Still, I want to shift the question from “whose fault is it?” Let’s start thinking about responsibility rather than blame. This has been key for me. I have a choice to take responsibility for my role in problems, and I can model this for other folks. Being accountable is hard, and that’s why we need to grow as individuals.
There's something special about taking responsibility for things. One of my favorite quotes is, “you can't be part of the solution if you're not part of the problem,” and that's important to realize. If we want to see change, we have to recognize our role in it, how we play into it, and how we created the situation. If you're not part of the problem, it's none of your business; it's someone else's issue.
The tension between self and other
So why do these challenges come up? We’re always facing the the tension between self and other. It’s at the heart of all conflict.
Everyone has needs; in fact, there’s a list of universal human needs. Our needs are important, but we also need to focus on others' needs. It's problematic if we only care for ourselves, but it's an issue if we always sacrifice ourselves for others. Neither approach is sustainable, so we have to find the right rhythm of oscillation.
Another one of the challenges coming up is that we're having a hard time accepting change, difference, and diversity. It can be threatening to see people different from us who have different opinions. It's also really hard to realize, “Oh shoot, we've been doing something wrong. We need to change.” A lot of this has to do with acceptance, and this is what I call the core problem.
We don't give people a chance to change. The way we split the world into right and wrong, good and bad, prevents change from happening. It’s easier to write someone off as bad than allow them the space to change and become a better person. Change can be threatening.
Let’s acknowledge that this isn’t easy. It actually goes against our nature. It's very important for us to protect our identity, people, and tribe. This tension between self and other, and that fear of change in diversity can lead to a lot of cognitive distortion and manipulation. Of course, we know how excited the media is to manipulate our core human traits.
How do we approach this issue?
Firstly, by realizing that there's always going to be a dynamic balance between self and other, or “power and love,” as theologian Paul Tillich called it. Adam Kahane addresses the balance of power and love in an awesome Ted Talk.
Every human being desires to express themselves with ever greater intensity and extensity. We come from one and then become separate, and we all want to come back together. Love is the key. It's the dream of every living thing to reconnect.
We are all one
That means we have to increase the tension between freedom and limits, and learning about this has been so helpful for me. There's a little trick that I can share here. Let's take my partner and me as an example. I see me as one person and her as another person. But I can also expand my understanding to realize that we're two. We’re a unit, and we might have another sense of other.
Every time that we’re in relationship, and we’re seeing it as self and other, Republicans and Democrats, us and them, we need to pause. Let’s realize that we're in relationship with the “others.” Seeing ourselves as one big unit changes things and helps us lose the rivalry aspect. Realizing that we’re in an interdependent relationship is so meaningful.
Learning to listen
I've had to learn that there's a tension between “I need to learn how to speak up for myself” and “I need to learn how to listen.” These are skills that we can develop to recognize that, “Wow, my voice is important.” Even though I acknowledge that, it doesn't cancel out the fact that your voice is important.
So learning to have confidence, humility, and the ability to take in critiques, feedback, listen to it, and think, “Wow, someone's telling me this, and it doesn't resonate. Maybe there's something to hear that is equally as important as my contribution.”
Another dynamic tension to navigate is learning to forgive ourselves and others. Forgiveness is a skill, much like being accountable, making amends, and apologizing when it's appropriate. It’s crucial to recognize that we might need to change and that some things we do impact other people, as hard as that may be.
Tomorrow, I’ll be talking about more strategies for approaching this issue, and you’ll get cool resources about cognitive biases and personal development. Stay tuned!
If you prefer to watch your content, here’s a video on the topic of this essay:
You can find more information about the work I do in conflict transformation on my website: http://www.omni-win.com
You can schedule a call with me here: https://calendly.com/duncanautrey
Don’t forget to check out the rest of my posts as I discuss how we can work together to ensure we all win.
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