The Value of the Repair after the Rupture (Part 2: The Importance of Crisis)
An 2016 Election Day haiku:
Music stopped today
Could hear coils buzz behind fridge
Is this the first time?
I begin part 2 as I began part 1: with the proposal that the repair after the rupture is more valuable than there never being a rupture in the first place.
I'll now add that crisis is necessary to invoke change in a system.
The function of conflict in the world is to demonstrate, undeniably, that the status quo situation is not sustainable and must be transformed - for better or for worse.
That is the kind of situation we face today. As U.S. Americans and the whole of humanity, we stare wide-eyed over the precipice of the present moment into an inconceivable and unprecedented future. The resounding message from last Tuesday's election (and so many other events) is that there is a severe problem with our country and our world. The message from across the political spectrum is that things are broken, and they need to change. In this way, the conflict that is alive today in U.S. American politics has set us on an irreversible course towards wholesale transformation. We can't go backwards or put this back in the box. Centrism is no longer an option. Things are changing, and our participation in the process is non-negotiable. The way we act now is the change. We are all the team that gets to decide what we do next.
Wait.
Team? Us?
Let's return to the threefold commitment from Part 1:
1. Affirm the connection, recognize the relationship,
2. Show up with your authentic self,
3. Stay for the repair that comes after the inevitable rupture.
1. As Americans (and as humans)*, we must start by recognizing that we are in a relationship with each other. Like it or not, we have to build the future together. We cannot continue divided. We are interdependent, and we need to reach across the spaces, culture, and algorithms that separate us.
Some folk want to secede. Even if that were possible, it wouldn't work. Just imagine, if we decide to divide into ever smaller units, we will always face the debate of progressive vs. conservative. It is an infinite question. No matter how much we want to be free of what challenges us, it will always be there. Just think about your family. Furthermore, even if we were totally alone, there is still an opportunity to develop compassion with those we don't agree with or struggle to tolerate.
2. The challenge we face now is the product of people finding and expressing their voices. We see people across the board finding the courage to say that they want the world to be different. Many are finding ways to point out how they are concerned. People are speaking up, whether the act is protesting, attending rallies, voting for a political outsider, or taking a knee during the national anthem.
The consensus of Americans is that we are worried about what's happening in our country. And yet, the voices are unique. We are bringing a different flavor of concern to the table based on our individual life experiences and perspective. The rise of voices has prompted the crisis that we are in. The conflict has been laid bare. We can no longer ignore the conversations we need to have about race, gender, faith, culture, environment, progress, and tradition. We can no longer ignore the voices of those with whom we disagree.
3. Now, the call is for all of us to step up and follow through with the repair. To do that, we need to continue to elevate our unique perspectives, requests, and offerings, and we are going to need to listen to one another's views, requests and offerings. The dance of self and community is infinite, and the question isn't ever who's right or wrong; instead, we have to ask: How will we manage a future that holds such incredible diversity?
I know that this is a tremendously hard pill to swallow for almost everyone. The level of vitriol in our politics today is enormous. For many people, this situation is not only frightening, but it’s also traumatic. Trump has explicitly threatened numerous cultures, races and individuals, as well as U.S. Democracy and the Constitution (free speech/press, due process, freedom from cruel and unusual punishment, etc.). He has stoked a hidden culture of xenophobia, sexism, racism, religious oppression, homophobia, and much more. The very idea of having him as our representative on the international stage is embarrassing and terrifying.
Nonetheless, as I did in June, I still believe Trump is a distraction from the main point. The main point is that people are pissed just as much as they are divided. As Tim Urban explains here, "voting for a candidate does not imply that you espouse all of his or her views." That is the edge of the silver lining here. We don't need to talk to Trump. We need to talk to each other. We still haven't even begun the conversation about the America that we aspire to be. Until November 8th, most people didn't even realize that such different discussions were happening.
Just today, I was teaching effective listening skills to high school students. When compared to the experience of trying to talk over one another, everyone agreed that it felt better to be listened to by others and that it felt better to listen to others. There’s also the stark reminder that we have all been guilty of not listening to another person because we were so focused on being heard. There is a powerful opportunity next week for U.S. American families to practice their listening skills as we gather for Thanksgiving. The listening skills include asking questions, reflecting to people what we've heard and summarizing the stories they've told us. For all of us, there is an opportunity to show that we can be empathetic to the struggles of others, just as we'd want them to do to us. By listening, we are affirming our interconnectedness and showing that we are ready to begin the repair. Let's help each other bring forward each others' best voices.
Here are some questions or conversation prompts that you might want to try (from Public Conversations Project):
Share a story from your life experience that you think may have shaped your perspective about the election.
What are the hopes, concerns or values you have that inform your approach to politics? Where or how did you learn them?
Are there ways that your values and perspectives have been stereotyped by the other side? If so, what is it about who you are that makes the stereotypes especially upsetting? Are there some stereotypes of your party that you feel it deserves - even if they are not wholly accurate?
What dreams do you have for yourself, your family, community, or country, given the challenges we face? What steps can you take toward making one dream real?
What do you hope we can work on together?
I know that this is scary. No one really wants to have these conversations. It seems easy just to hate and ignore each other like we were doing before, which brings us full circle to the importance of crisis. We need a crisis to force us to face the situation we're in. Suppose we decide that things aren't bad enough, so we choose to remain divided and not engage in repair. We choose to wait for an even greater crisis before we move forward. This situation is not something that we can continue to ignore. (Un)fortunately, we have a whopper of a four-year-and-three-month-long crisis on our hands, so it won't be as easy to collectively forget as a shooting or a hurricane. Things can only get better or worse from here, and we are the ones who make that choice. And we can only choose for ourselves and create space for others to do the same.
The future will not (and can no longer) be one of centrism and compromise. The future we are stepping into can only be proud, collaborative and diverse. To get there, we will need all voices to be at the table.
Good Luck, America! Good Luck, World!
These two On Being podcasts really hit the spot for me in understanding the election:
"Is America Possible?" with Vincent Harding - Here is an excerpt: "In regards to building a multi-racial, multi-ethnic, multi-religious democratic society, America is still a developing country... The knowledge is available if we seek it... It will be hard work."
"How to Live Beyond This Election" with Natasha Trethewey and Eboo Patel
Also, don't miss my blog post from June about the "Invisible Voices" that would invite a Trump presidency if we didn't listen to them.
Finally, check out my Fractal Friends podcast with Steve McIntosh about "Transcending Political Polarization."
*I want to acknowledge that I'm allowing a U.S. American-centric perspective of this article. Nonetheless, this affects everyone in the world. I will also say that the dynamic where a populist conservative movement is clamoring for a voice and the progressive movement is shocked and surprised is ubiquitous. I see similar debates occurring in Britain, Colombia, India, Turkey, Argentina, France, Brazil, Ecuador, Venezuela, and lots of Europe.