Making Sense of the World and Communication
There are infinite sides to every story. Here's how we get to grips with that.
Two sides to every story
We’ve all heard the quote from the American philosopher-theologian Rev. Jonathan Edwards: “There are two sides to every story.”
It’s a profound piece of wisdom as meaningful today as it was when he wrote it in the early 18th century. Today, we could say there are 7.9 billion sides to every story, but we don’t have to go that far.
The real wisdom comes with the rest of the quote:
“There are always two sides to every story, and it is generally wise, and safe, and charitable to take the best; and yet there’s probably no one way in which persons are so liable to be wrong, as in presuming the worst is true, and in forming and expressing their judgment of others, and of their actions, without waiting until all truth is known.”
It’s a valuable lesson to take into our modern US culture. If you don’t understand where someone is coming from, it might be a good idea to assume the best until you understand where they’re at.
One of the challenges that we run into most is hearing something from another, one side of the story, but not really taking the time to view the full picture. From that place of misunderstanding, it’s all too easy to judge and not even try to hear the other person.
In these moments, I encourage deeper inquiry and curiosity. I switch to listening if I find someone’s comments provocative, confusing, or if they’re getting emotional. To learn more, I ask questions and repeat their answers to ensure I got it right. I do this until I understand what they’re trying to say and where they’re coming from. Learn more about effective speaking and listening skills here.
Even then, it’s not easy because communication is inherently an imperfect process.
I call this the “miracle of communication.”
The miracle of communication
I often share this idea with people when they’re frustrated that someone didn’t understand them or when they thought something was absurd or incomprehensible.
It’s vital to understand that communication is not easy, and miscommunication is at the heart of pretty much every conflict. Most of my conflict transformation work involves resolving miscommunication and managing the consequences.
Why is communication a miracle?
Because you have to code an abstract thought into words before sending it into the world. That’s not all. From those conjured words, your brain sends electrical signals to your vocal cords to create vibrations. They travel across time and space, where someone’s ear perceives them, sending electrical signals to their brain, where they decode the signals back into words.
But it’s not a simple matter of them understanding your words. Their decoding relies on their worldview, topic knowledge, and their interpretation of the intentions of everyone involved. Sometimes, we even need to communicate across different languages, adding extra complexity.
I like to point out the fact that communication works at all is a total miracle.
We shouldn’t take communication for granted. Give yourself a break if you tried to say something and someone didn’t get it, or vice versa. Just try again. Communication is beautiful and important, but it isn’t as easy as we think.
Here’s a particularly relevant question to us right now: If there are two sides to every story and communication is a miracle, how can we ever hope to understand the world?
I want to introduce you to the idea of “sensemaking” (i.e., making sense of things).
Sensemaking
I discovered the concept of sensemaking through a guest on my Fractal Friends podcast and the amazing folk over at Rebel Wisdom. They have an excellent YouTube channel, podcast, Substack feed, and a vibrant online community.
Today, I want to recommend their Sensemaking 101 course. The course begins next month on February 10, and I urge you to check it out.
Here’s why it’s worth a look:
This will be their last sensemaking course until the end of the year.
I took the same fantastic course last year.
They create wonderful handouts and workbooks to support your learning.
They’ve even designed various meditations to accompany the course.
You get to be in a pod, a small group that you can work with in-between sessions to integrate some of the wisdom.
They have various teachers for the course, including:
Daniel Schmachtenberger, creator of the Consilience Project, a sensemaking resource
Diane Musho Hamilton teaches Zen Buddhism, mediation, and conflict resolution. She’s a clever integral theorist and author of Compassionate Conversations (along with Gabriel Wilson and Kim Loh)
Sara Ness, creator of Authentic Revolution
John Vervaeke, Awakening From the Meaning Crisis
David Fuller and Alexander Beiner are facilitators of the course. In my experience, Rebel Wisdom has impeccable integrity. They believe in the idea of understanding all sides of the story, they are faithful to their heterodoxy, and their work is fascinating.
The upshot?
We can all learn how to make better sense of the world around us. That’s a process of self-knowing, better communication, and developing discernment skills. These skills help us sort through the signal (useful information) and noise (manipulation and ideology) of the world around us.
Sign up for the Sensemaking 101 course: it starts February 10, 2022.
Want to learn more? Watch Rebel Wisdom’s Sensemaking 101 film here: Making Sense in 2022: Daniel Schmachtenberger, John Vervaeke, Sara Ness & Doshin Roshi
Here are some short videos where I unpack these themes on my YouTube Channel:
You can find more information about the work I do in conflict transformation on my website: http://www.omni-win.com
You can schedule a call with me here: https://calendly.com/duncanautrey
Don’t forget to check out the rest of my posts as I discuss how we can work together to ensure we all win.
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